A room full of monsters, and the most powerful one never raised her voice
Tonight, I have multiple fights against powerful demons that teach me more about myself.
night of march 15th, 2022 — Part 1
Iarrive in a room filled with people. It is well decorated, and at first glance, everything seems normal, but not to me. While they hide their appearance well, I can sense their energy. Demons are hiding among the humans in this room.
It’s hard to describe the feeling that’s giving it away for me. Perhaps like a survival instinct, like being out in the wild, you see nothing, hear nothing, but all of a sudden get alert, knowing in your bones that some deadly beast is about to pounce on you.
What I did might have been a bit foolish; perhaps I watched too many anime.
Despite the threat, I feel a strong wish to protect the people around me here. So without hesitation, I call out: “Face me. I will take you all on, and no one else has to get hurt.”
They look at me and smile, but they nod. In a mix of hunger and respect, they agree to fight me on these terms. One by one, they reveal themselves. Their eyes turn pitch black with not a smidgeon of white left in them. Their whole bodies start giving off a dark energy, now visible to everyone.
I don’t remember the humans leaving or running away, but they were no longer around now. I suppose I was fully focused on the demons at this point… specifically one.
One of them is different. There’s this woman, maybe around 30. She is attractive, but has no visible features that hint at her being a demon. Yet she insists she is one. And again, despite her normal eyes and lack of dark energy oozing from her pores, I can feel she is different.
Her aura isn’t threatening or aggressive, like that of the other demons, yet oddly enough, it feels much more powerful. It feels serene, like the eye of a tornado, even as she creates destruction all around her. The way she looks at me, smiling at me innocently, is confusing as hell. Perhaps she really is a demon, so powerful and experienced that she has no doubt left, she would overcome anything, yet no longer fears death either when it does find her. Or perhaps she’s bullshitting me and isn’t a demon at all. “If you want a real fight, show me your powers first, woman,” I exclaim.
With me usually being very powerful myself in my dreams, I wasn’t particularly afraid of her either, but definitely intrigued and excited. And even in the non-lucid dreams, I usually know deep down it’s not real, and I won’t actually die if I lose.
She starts walking towards me, eyes fixated on me, still completely calm… and smiling politely…
She gets very close to me, I am alert, but trust in my abilities enough to let her make a move. She pushes me back ever so gently until my hips feel a table behind me. Then she slides her fingers over my forehead, softly. I allow it, seeing no threat in it yet and curious to-
…
I can’t move!
I try to fight it, but not a single muscle in my body can move even an inch.
She proceeds to push me back, again, gently, so I lie with my back on the table now.
Flustered by how seconds ago I thought I’d easily have the upper hand, I start to panic a little, yet no matter how hard I try, she is stronger.
Then, as I lie there, powerless and vulnerable, she proceeds to… do nothing. She allows her magic to wear off, and within a few seconds, I can move again.
I understand, and my body relaxes. I take a breath.
I don’t even hurry to get away, but take my time as I stand up again. Despite her strength, I feel I can trust her. Just like I had asked, she only showed me some of her powers before getting into a real fight, and didn’t use this chance to kill me. Powerful AND honorable. She has earned my respect.
But despite my eagerness to take her on for real now, I wake up briefly from mental exhaustion.
I suppose you can see this as my defeat when I can’t even handle the intensity of the dream, after she had already spared my life when she didn’t need to.
I was happy I got to fight and lose to a strong opponent.
I think this is a great example made by my subconscious of how tangled up power, dominance, and sexuality can be. But even though the story reads somewhat sexual, and I’m sure it was inspired by that, it wasn’t the focus here at all. We were both really just eager to fight.
As I fall asleep again, I find myself holding a longsword inside a small wooden cabin, deep within a forest. In front of me, yet another demon. A woman again, probably her spiritual successor, but it isn’t her. She, too, is holding a sword reminiscent of medieval times, but before I can think long about it, we come to blows.
She grimaces and attacks, and I parry.
I counter, she parries.
I feel I am holding my ground exceptionally well, considering I have never wielded a sword before in real life, yet on occasion in dreams.
We exchange a wild flurry of strikes as we move around the room, before I manage to catch her off guard.
As she stumbles and her back finds the wall, my sword finds her throat. I hold it there for a moment, then slice.
Blood gushes out.
Immediately, I am overcome with emotions. There is no regret; the intent to kill my enemy stays true. It had to be done. But there is so much compassion.
I drop my sword and rush towards her to catch her as she falls. Within my arms, she draws her last breaths. As her life fades, I feel how it, too, had been filled with many hardships and challenges, with pain and with suffering, just as my own. In a way, I do feel sorry for killing her.
Apparently, I had also peed myself. Just here in the dream, not in real life, luckily, but it sure is awkward. Perhaps I was so overwhelmed by the situation.
Then Sam and Dean show up.
Yes, it was this kind of demon universe. I watched a lot of Supernatural recently.
Something I realized from this dream is that I might be a warrior at heart, but in my own way. And that is filled with respecting and even loving my enemies, trying to understand them, and developing compassion, even if they may not show me the same kindness. It just wouldn’t be me otherwise.
After another short break, the night holds one more dream for me.